MY WEIGHT LOSS JOURNEY
March 2011 - I spent my 29th birthday with two of my best friends in the Cayman Islands. I hated myself and how I looked. I was so unhappy but hid it with a smile. I’d spent most of my life dieting, but here I was, turning 29, weighing the heaviest I ever had before.
April 2011 - I went to Atlanta on holiday with my Mum. When I got back and saw the photos, I cried. I was experiencing bullying at work and eating was my way of coping.
June 2011 - I was signed off of work due to stress and decided to use it as an opportunity to get right with my diet and exercise. I started Shaun T’s Insanity - crazy for someone of my size. I couldn’t do it all to begin with, but I kept at it and was motivated by how quickly the weight came off and how strong and fit I started to feel.
September 2011 - Feeling much better since being away from the workplace, I decided that it was best for my health, to leave permanently, so I did..
October 2011 - I went on holiday to India and for the first time I was happy with how I looked. I wasn’t where I wanted to be, but I was proud of the progress I was making. I noticed the change in my arm definition and felt better in my clothes.
November 2011 - My application for a cabin crew job was rejected and I decided I wanted to leave the country, aka run away from the feeling of being lost in life.
December 2011 - I spent Christmas with friends in Cape Town. I hiked to the top of Lions Head, much to my friends’ surprise, and after squeezing my body in to a wet suit, I did cage-diving with Great White sharks.
February 2012 - Boarded a flight to New York for the start of an adventure that would extend for three and a half years and see me gradually lose weight. I started fasting for spiritual reasons and felt the healthiest and fittest I’d ever felt in my life. Being free from employment, surrounded by creativity and inspiration, with a community of friends who became family, food became less important.
August 2016 - I’d been back in London for a year and continued to lose weight through diet, fasting and exercise. Lost a total of 112lbs since April 2011 and felt pleased with my body but was still calling myself fat and ugly..
Late 2016 - My Gran was admitted to hospital which marked the beginning of a deterioration in her health and an increase in my eating.
July 2017 - My Gran passed away and as grief engulfed me, I turned to food to cope. My eating spiralled out of control as I navigated life without her presence or safety..
August 2019 - Binge eating and my weight increased. I was struggling to cope so I went to my GP who referred me for further assessment.
February 2020 - Diagnosed with Binge Eating Disorder at South London and Maudsley hospital. Referred for a 3 month therapy treatment programme. 100% committed, believing that it would solve my weight problem.
March 2020 - COVID starts and I get to work remotely.. Makes it easier to avoid temptations in shops and I get into a better diet, fasting and exercise routine at home. My treatment was postponed while they organised doing it online. In that time I lost 14lbs and was excited to start the programme.
September 2020 - My treatment started online and within the first couple of weeks, I realised that it wasn’t a weight loss programme, but treatment for my mind. There was no space or room to talk about weight loss - I was simply told not to think about it until at least six months after my treatment had finished.
October 2020 - Went to the Cayman Islands to be with my Mum and continued the treatment online. I found it very difficult especially as my weight was increasing again.
December 2020 - Treatment ended and I felt good. I started The Fat.Ugly blog to keep myself accountable and found purpose in sharing my lived-experience and raising awareness of this eating disorder.
March 2022 - Got the job as cabin crew, got through training successfully and went straight in to full time flying. It was exciting, but my eating habits were all over the place and I completely let go. I enjoyed my lifestyle, but the result was a significant increase in my weight.
July 2023 - I was struggling to be alive - managing the grief of losing my Gran, unhappy in my body but feeling guilty for wanting to lose weight and change it, unsure and confused about what I wanted to do with my life. It was overwhelming and over brunch, I confessed to my mentor'/friend that I just wanted to stop The Fat.Ugly Blog. So I stopped posting, even though I continued work behind the scenes with the NHS.
March 2025 - Fast forward five whole years and my weight had crept up. I was heavier than I’d been in April 2011, but as I stood on the beach in the Cayman Islands, I knew something had changed: I didn’t hate my body, even though I didn’t like what it looked like. My focus had been on my whole life rather than just my body, self-compassion rather than self-criticism. I’d reconnected with myself, without judgment and identified my needs. Having waited for follow up weight management from the NHS for over four years, I decided to pay for a private therapist. I’d taken back control of my whole life and as I stood on the beach, I felt different.
March 2025: Starting Again
I’d struggled to navigate life after my treatment had ended, but that day when I stood on the beach, I knew that I was ready. Not to start another diet, or pretend that I accepted this as the best and healthiest version of myself, but to begin loving myself back to health. I knew that I had to trust myself to find the way that was right for me. I knew that I couldn’t allow the ‘body positivity’ voices to make me feel guilty for wanting to change the way I looked. I wanted to confidently learn how to lose weight by building healthy habits and behaviours in to my lifestyle. And now that I was free from binge eating, I wanted to build and live the life I’d always wanted.
SEPTEMBER 2025: I’ve released 16lbs in six months but my focus is on more than the scale; I’m lifting weights in the gym, being consistent with a reasonable amount of cardio, my mind has been guiding better habits and behaviours as I navigate my way forward, especially with a lifestyle that is anything but routine. This is about my whole life, not just my weight, and at 43, I’m committing to a future of health, strength, functionality and flexibility. Research has taught me about the concept of ‘Best Weight’ and I’m committed to a weight loss journey that is woven in to the writing of my new life after recovery.
THE FAT UGLY BLOG
I’ve started writing at the blog again but I’ve also created The Freedom Box - a collection of tools and resources to help others find freedom from binge eating and create a life they love.
Does my story resonate?
Does your body, weight and eating habits make you unhappy? Are you tired of waking up and living a life in a body that holds you back from doing all the things you really want to do?
If your answer is yes, then my Fat.Ugly Support Box will save you years of regret. Visit The Fat.Ugly blog to start your journey.